Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name. Nobody came. -- The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby

A Truth Universally Acknowledged…

So, a little more than twenty years ago, there was this woman I went to school with. We ran in some of the same circles. She was a computer science minor, and I think she was maybe on the newspaper with the girlfriend of one of my buddies and we were in honors together. I was a junior. I can’t remember now if she was a junior or a senior, and I lost touch with her like fifteen years ago.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that she started this rumor around the computer science department that I was seeing this sophomore girl. We didn’t actually know each other especially well at the time; we’d met at the department picnic the previous spring, and I’d invited her to go wander around downtown on Halloween, which was supposed to be a big group thing but everyone else had cancelled. But this preexisting rumor going around took off a lot of the pressure that historically made it very difficult for me to get up the nerve to ask a cute girl out on a date, so I asked her out on the first Friday in December. I took her to a Jane Austin movie at the Rotunda and then the Papermoon Diner on 29th street, and it was only later, at dinner, that she told me that it also happened to be her birthday. That was twenty years ago yesterday.

Mansfield Park Collage
Happy birthday, Leah

To quote entirely the wrong Regency-era romance novelist, Reader, I married her.

Twitter Roundup

Filler due to upcoming Holiday: a few tweets by me I wish to memorialize:

Tales from /lost+found 241: S06E12 (Season Finale!)

So I’ve been doing this for a few years now, and it’s kind of a lot of work for the one or maybe two people who read it. I’m not actually giving up or anything, but I think I’m going to take some time away from it and maybe do something else for a while. Tales From /lost+found will return at Christmas.

Jenna Coleman in Doctor Who
Click to Embiggen

6×12 Two Streams: The Doctor has driven off the creature and saved Lorna and Stefan, but the danger in the Gamma Forest isn’t over yet, as the Doctor’s nemesis and Sammy’s estranged daughter Melody Pond has arrived, and Harmony Beck’s secret agenda is about to be revealed.

Some Blundering about Star Trek: Short Treks 2×03 “Ask Not”

First things first: I neglected to give a rating last time because I immediately forgot the running gag I wanted to establish. So, it goes without saying, I think, that “The Trouble With Edward” merits four weird-ass uncanny-valley Data heads out of four:


That out of the way, let’s move on to “Ask Not”.

Meh.

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfectly fine. It’s just… There’s nothing to it. “Q&A” gave us the Deep Lore on Spock and a musical number. “The Trouble With Edward” was probably the funniest piece of Star Trek ever written. And then there’s “Ask Not”, which is… Fine.

So this is the first minisode to give us Anson Mount in more than a cameo role. But… Whatever, really. I’m not per se complaining, because it’s certainly not bad. It’s just, like, a perfectly adequate and disposable scene featuring Captain Pike and an engineering cadet who wanted to serve on Enterprise but didn’t make the cut and got assigned to Starbase 28 instead and you just figured out the plot, didn’t you?

Yeah, Cadet Thira Sidhu is working in some random room on Starbase 28 when she gets shaken up and tossed around by an attack on the station by the Tholians. A bunch of redshirts show up with a gold-shirted prisoner in a needlessly sci-fi face mask (Like, you know the neat origama sword Sulu had in Star Trek 2009? It was that except a gimp mask instead of a sword), who they declare to be a mutineer that they need her to look after because the fighting outside has blocked the way to the brig.

Once the mask is off (the redshirts say that they didn’t want to demoralize the rest of the crew by showing them who the mutineer was), Captain Pike immediately orders Sidhu to let him go and help him retake command so that he can lead the Tholians away. He admits to the mutiny charge, explaining that he’d tried to overrule an admiral who wanted him to leave another ship to the mercy of the Tholians as soon as she herself was safe. And wouldn’t you know it, the ship in question is where Sidhu’s husband is stationed, and the two of them were the only survivors of a Tholian attack a few years earlier.

When you add together what you figured out three paragraphs ago with that last bit, you can probably imagine that there are only three ways this episode could go, and only one of them can really work in the five minutes we have left.

Yep, her “rejection” was a feint and this is all a training exercise to see if she’s really worthy of serving on Enterprise. So which is the “right” solution to the exercise? This is probably the most interesting thing in the episode conceptually, though in practice It’s just “okay”.

There are two ways this setup could go. One is that the right thing to do is to follow the rules and listen to orders and not give in to her desire to save her husband and make the Tholians pay and whatever. The other is that the “right” thing to do is to say that Starfleet regulations aren’t a suicide pact and to put saving lives above following regulations.

But what happens is actually somewhere in the middle. I missed a key point the first time I watched this because Dylan had me distracted; I assumed they’d left open the possibility that Pike was lying – that we (or rather, Cadet Sidhu) were supposed to assume that either he or the Admiral had been compromised somehow, and so Sidhu’s decision would be whether or not to believe Pike. But on rewatching, it’s clear that’s not what her dilemma really is: the scenario presumes she will accept Pike’s explanation of the situation as truthful. The question for her is whether to trust his judgment.

Because Pike speaks of saving lives and giving the Tholians “what they deserve,” and – this is important – Pike gives her a legalistic out. They cite regulations at each other: he orders her to release him; she counters that his orders carry no weight because he’s under arrest. He reminds her that regulations dictate that the tactical superiority of the Enterprise means that he should be in charge during a battle. She returns that he is not, at the moment, the captain of the Enterprise. He then pulls out the “reserve activation clause”, which technically means that she’s got the legal authority to reinstate him for the duration of the emergency. She calls this a “loophole”, but I think it’s important here that her ultimate decision is not whether to break the rules, but which rules to uphold.

And ultimately, her decision is that violence has to be the last resort and vengeance shouldn’t enter into it, and on the basis of that, she concludes that Pike is in the wrong: that his plan, to take the Enterprise away from the starbase in order to lure the Tholians off so he can kill them all, is not in line with the Starfleet way, and therefore that it is not the right call for her to exercise her authority under the Reserve Activation Clause to reinstate him.

So he makes some broad threats about her career prospects and tries to leave anyway, whereupon she points a phaser at him. Pike tells the air above him that it’s all good and the alarms stop and he takes off the handcuffs and apologizes for scaring her about her husband (He’s fine). There’s a stirring speech about how war is hell and it’s important for an officer to uphold their duty even when triggered, and she does not immediately grasp the full implication of the test until they beam over to Enterprise to be met by Spock and Una, who is the one who came up with the whole, “Tell them they didn’t make the cut for Enterprise then do a cruel gaslighting test on them to see how they handle it,” plan. Pike drops her off in engineering (We’ve never seen the regular engine room of a Discovery-era ship; engineering scenes on Discovery proper take place in the Spore Lab. We did briefly see a class J training ship’s engine room but that was ten years in the future. Enterprise’s engine room is a huge, multi-story gallery that’s too big to properly take in with just the one quick glance) and is pointedly coy about whether or not the phaser was real.

So… It’s okay. Profoundly… Okay. This would make a fine B-plot in a full-length episode of a TV series that was structured more like ’90s-era Star Trek. But for a minisode, which only has the one plot and not much of it, you really want something more. You either want something which touches a nerve in its own right, like “The Trouble with Edward” or “Calypso”, or even “The Escape Artist” (I suspect “Q&A” was supposed to be like this as well, what with the Deep Lore about Spock and Number One), or else something which foreshadows the upcoming season, like “Runaway” or “The Brightest Star”.

And a character study of a one-off character we’ve never seen before just isn’t that. These minisodes need to be strong all on their own because they’re not feeding directly into future episodes. Why waste time giving us introductory episodes for characters we’re never going to see again. I mean, unless…

Unless…

Oh. OhOh.

Huh.

One and a half cereal mascots out of four, with an option to reevaluate.

 

We’ll return near Christmas for not one but two animated shorts (and in different styles, too; one looks to be cel-shaded, while the other has a distinctly Pixar vibe), “Ephraim and Dot” and “The Girl Who Made the Stars”. See you then.

Flash Fiction: The Swim Lesson

A short story that came to me too late for Halloween.

I watch Maria complete another lap of the pool. “Good work,” I said. “You beat your best time by more than a second.”

She treads water and asks, “Really?” I show her the stopwatch. She presses her back to the side of the pool and starts on a set of leg raises. I drop the rest of the way into the water and join her. She starts talking about her boyfriend, and I can’t remember whether or not I’m supposed to know him.

“It sounds like you already know what you want,” I tell her. I have no idea if that’s true yet, but it sounds good. “Just figure out what’s holding you back and whether or not it really matters.”

“Thanks,” Maria says. She cracks her neck and stretches out in the water. “I don’t want to get all sappy. But, like, I really feel like I can open up with you. Be myself.”

That’s a nice thought. “Me too,” I say, and I stretch out too and relax.

“Listen. It’s not me. This isn’t me,” Rebecca says. “You’ve got to get out of here. Run!”

Rats. Relaxed too much there. I turn myself upright.

“Rebecca?” Maria asks, startled. “What was-”

I wave her off. “Sorry. My mind wandered a little.” I take her hands in my hands, and touch her shoulder to comfort her.

It takes her a good ten seconds to figure it out, which is good because I was going to break into a smirk if it took her a second or two more. I’m awful, I know. I like Maria, I shouldn’t be enjoying this so much. Very slowly, she looks at her hands in my hands, then turns her head to where I’m touching her shoulder.

I give her a friendly wave with the tentacle.

She struggles, of course she does, but I’ve got her arms and legs before she knows what’s happened. She goes under, and in her panic she sucks in a lungful of water.

Crud. I try to help her, but she’s thrashing around too much in a full-on freak out. Finally, I manage to get a little tentacle into her ear and tap out, “Hey, slow down or you’re gonna drown. Let me help.”

That does not actually put her at ease, and I can’t blame her, but she’s surprised enough that she freezes for a second so I can get a couple of tentacles up her nose. I suck pool water out of her lungs and blow air in, which is less unpleasant than it sounds, but still pretty gross.

“There. You okay? Stop struggling and I’ll lift you out of the water and we can talk about this. I know this is weird and all, but-”

She does not stop struggling. In fact, she kicks me. Really hard. “Come on,” I tap into her eardrum. “There’s no way you can overpower me, and I’m going to eventually break you if you keep trying.”

She kicks me again. Fine. Okay. We’ll do it the hard way then. I pull one of the tentacles up out of her lung and punch it through her ethmoid bone. Poke around a little and… Ah. Yes. There.

Okay. Do you understand me now?

Tales From /lost+found 238: S06E09

Alternate Doctor Who Zygon Invasion
Click to Embiggen

6×09 The Zygon Invasion: It’s finally time to take Sammy home, but Harm has other plans. They return to Earth a year late, just in time for UNIT to uncover a deadly threat hidden in the most secure and most dangerous place on Earth: UNIT’s own Black Archive.