If heroes do not exist, it is necessary to invent them. -- Borusa, Doctor Who: The Deadly Assassin
A Mind Occasionally Voyaging

Things I learned from the movie “Hostel”

1. Having your fingers severed by a chainsaw, though painful, does not require immediate medical attention
2. Everyone over the age of 12 in Bratislava is part of an international serial murdering snuff-ring run by the Russian mob.
3. You can always tell when someone’s with the Russian mob by their @gang.rus email address.
4. There is a level of suck a movie can achieve beyond which no amount of Slasher-Film-Nudity can make it watchable.
Now, #2 seems like a pretty bold thing for the makers of this movie to assert. I mean, that’s sure to piss off all the people in Bratislava. And I wouldn’t want to piss those guys off: I recently learned that they’re all part of an international serial-murdering snuff-ring run by the Russian mob.
So, to recap: Bratislava’s major exports:

Two Wild And Crazy GuysSerial Murder

Recipe for a Sequel

Exceptionally Brief Review of Resident Evil: Extinction
1 part The Road Warrior
1 part Day of the Dead
1 part Waterworld
DO NOT STIR, MIX, OR OTHERWISE ALLOW THESE PLOT ELEMENTS TO HAVE MUCH OF ANYTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER.
Serve warm.
Oh, but when you watch this, consider that if a Zombie Apocalypse story ends with it humanity finally winning and vanquishing the Zombies, the next step is going to be the need to repopulate the human race. Consider what the entire human race consists of at the end of the movie.
Rejoice.
(Spoiler punchline after the jump)

Continue reading Recipe for a Sequel

IT90: The internet is for porn

it90

In a thousand years, our descendants will all take a break from eating food pills and flying in jetpacks to observe a moment of silence in memory of those who died in the great porn war.
Also…
Based on that picture, I assume the key point of contention is: Do we really need high definition to appreciate grainy, low-quality, camcorder-filmed amateur porn? Yes. Yes we do.