Category: Uncategorized

Things which are perfectly legal unless you get paid for them:

• Sex
• Voting
• Giving internal organs to someone

You an I Under the Stars Tonight
Specifically

Or is yours that kind of arrogant faith that says, “Everyone else must be a complete idiot not to have faith and believe what I believe.” I hope not, because you seem so nice. Plus, I probably don’t believe what you believe, so now I’m stupid and how are we going to have a decent conversation once that’s established?

and

Are you a kind of arrogant, angry, “only idiots believe in God” sort of person? I hope not. Because if you are, then I’m stupid, and how are we going to have a conversation now that my stupidity is out on the table for everyone to see.

And why is it that whenever an athiest finds out that I’m a person of faith, they assume I’m the former, and whenever I find out that someone’s an atheist, I assume they’re the latter?
And why are they wrong way more often than I am? (I mean, other than the Fundamental Attribution Error).

For Leah:
When you’ve got a favorite song,
You must rip it
Before Blu-Ray comes along
You must rip it
The RIAA is wrong,
You can rip it
Now rip it
Off that tape
Pick a high
Bit rate
Save to disk
As MP3
You already bought it
Don’t pay a fee
To rip it
Rip it good
Your tapes are wearing out
You must rip it
A new hit song just came out
You must rip it
Your iPod will not play
Until you rip it
I say rip it
Rip it good
I say rip it
Rip it good
Start that rip
Give DRM the slip
Rip another track
Pariser’s smoking crack
When a CD comes along
You must rip it
Or a new movie from Hong Kong
You must rip it
AACS won’t last that long
If you rip it
Now rip it
To DVD
Watch it on
HDTV
Take it with you
On SD
In your car
On MP3
Just rip it
Stay up late
Making your own
Mix tape
Go store it
All for free
On a hard drive
Or USB
Just rip it
Rip it good

President Bush is quoted as saying, “I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

Cultists disrupt traditional values

Judea, AD 1 // Visiting foreign dignitaries caused some controversy this weekend in a meeting with King Herod. Three visiting kings, who have asked to remain anonymous, claimed that an infant child born recently in Bethlehem is the true king of the Jews. When questioned about the purpose of their visit, the dignitaries explained, “We three kings of orient are. Bearing gifts, we come from afar.” Sources close to the administration report that King Herod has dismissed the kings as “A bunch of Wise Guys.” The infant, Jesus of Nazareth, has already gained a strong grassroots following, particularly among members of area livestock unions, who claim the child is the son of God and the fulfilment of ancient prophesy. The Roman governor could not be reached for comment, but is allegedly “very concerned” that this new cult may be developing “Weapons of Divine Wrath-related program activities.” The parents of the child have thus far refused to allow Herod’s Messiah Inspection Teams access to the child, further fueling fears about their intentions, and speculation about possible links to other radical religious groups in the region, including the sect led by John The Baptist, whose whereabouts are still unknown despite massive search efforts throughout the holy lands. But the emerging cult, who have taken to calling themselves “Jesus Freaks”, claim to be committed to total pacifism, and are interested in nothing more than giving each other gifts in honor of their leader’s birth. However, not everyone considers their message of peace to be quite so harmless. Well known political commentator Punditus Maximus has written a series of scathing scrolls in which he accuses the cult members of engaging in activities incompatable with traditional Roman family values. In his most recent work, “They do WHAT to their penises?”, he claims that their decision to celebrate the birth of Jesus in December is a shameless attempt to undermine Roman tradition. Accusing the cultists of waging a “War on Saturnalia,” he calls for a wide-scale boycott of any store where shopworkers use the new greeting “Happy Holy Day,” in place of the traditional, “Lo, Saturnalia.” Boycott is, of course, a Gallic word meaning “To feed to lions.” In what may be a related story, King Herod has denied rumors that there are any plans for a “slaughter of innocents” and suggests that parents of infant boys contact their local magistrates for important information related to a new anti-terrorism program known as “No Child Left Alive”.

—-

[DISCLAIMER: The story you have just read is made up. Any similarities to real events are totally… Well, okay, they’re all intentional. But they’re just here for the sake of making a joke. If anything sounds suspiciously parallel to actual news stories, that’s just because I thought it was funnier that way. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke]