Category: The Wit and Wisdom of Evelyn Raszewski

A Conversation with Evelyn at Bedtime

Daddy?

Remember when we went to space?

I’d never went to space before.

I saw two stars. I didn’t cry.

I didn’t cry when the monster came. The monster was scary. I didn’t like the monster. Why did the monster come?

The monster breathed fire. I didn’t want the monster to breathe fire on me. I didn’t want the monster to breathe fire on you either.

We told the monster to go away, but the monster didn’t go away. The monster was scary.

When we go to space again, will the monster come? The monster shouldn’t come. Can we go on an Evelyn Family Trip? I want an Evelyn Backpack to go to space.

I want to go to space tomorrow. Can we go to space tomorrow? I WANT TO GO TO SPACE TOMORROW.

Okay.

Reposted from my facebook…

Evie: You got milk on you coffee?
Me: Yes. I put cream in my coffee.
Evie: You put cream on you coffee? I put cream on my butt.
…
Evie: You not funny. Why laugh?

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(Later)

Evie walks out of her room, naked and carrying her bedsheet. Nearby, her bed is sheetless, Leah having been interrupted mid-beddressing.

Evie: I want sheep.
Me: Okay. We’ll put the sheet on your bed.
Evie waves the sheet.
Evie: I want sheep.
Me: Okay, but first we need to get you in a diaper and pajamas.
She waves the sheet again.
Evie: Want. Sheep.
Me: I’ll put the sheet on your bed. Okay.
Evie: Daddy. Want sheep say baa baa!
Me: Wait, when you said “sheep” you meant “sheep”?

 

With apologies to Ryan Adams, The Corrs, Bono, and probably Weird Al.

So, back in 2001, Ryan Adams wrote a perfectly nice song called “When the Stars Go Blue”, and in 2006, it was popularized by Tim McGraw, but between those two, The Corrs did a version of the song at a live show in Dublin with help from Bono, and their cover is one of the most straightforwardly beautiful poppy love songs of the past twenty years.

Last night, I was singing it to my daughter, and she started giggling at the line “Stars go blue,” and then ordered me to sing a different song. When I asked her what song to sing, she answered, “Cow.” The meaning of this was not immediately clear to me, so I asked for more explanation. Did she want me to sing “Old MacDonald”? “Hey Diddle Diddle”?

No, she clarified; she wanted me to sing about “Cows go moo-oo-ooh”.

So I had a think, and now I have rather wonderfully ruined one of the prettiest songs I know. This may be almost as good as the time Dylan had me insert Jack (of Beanstalk fame) into the story of The Three Little Pigs.

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When the Cows Go Moo

Lyric: L. Ross Raszewski
Music: Ryan Adams

Milkin’ when the cows go “moo”,
Milkin’ with a metal pail,
Milkin’ with a wooden stool,
Sittin’ in a barn…

Milkin’ at the end of day,
Milkin’ at the break of dawn,
Milkin’ little farmer girl,
On McDonald’s farm…

Where do you go when you’re thirsty?
Where do you go when you’re two?
Where do you go when you’re thirsty,
I’ll follow you…

When the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
When the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
When the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
When the cows go moo-oo-ooh

Laughing with your pretty mouth,
Laughing with your pretty eyes,
Laughing holdin’ daddy’s hand,
In a lullaby…

Where do you go when you’re thirsty?
Where do you go when you’re two?
Where do you go when you’re thirsty,
I’ll follow you…

When the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
When the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
When the cows, when the cows go moo(oo-oo-ooh)
Cows go moo…
Cows go moo…
Cows go moo…
Cows go moo…

A sequel to last year’s Evie Lexicon:

• Mackie: Milk
• Bawbal: In a bottle
• Bee: A bib
• Bassy: Pacifier
• Berber: Diaper
• Bop: A lagomorph
• Nickey: A mouse, famed of western animation
• Carlee: A pen, crayon, marker, or paint.
• Chickie: Chicken (cooked)
• Basta: Pasta
• Cah-coo: A cookie or cracker.
• Ahgan: I am finished
• Ahwango: Please take me to
• Hom: home
• indacar: Via automobile
• Dadeye: Father
• Momeye: Mother
• Broba: Brother
• Baw: Ball
• Oh no: I have just thrown something on the floor
• Stinky: I have soiled myself. How embarrassing.
• Stinky Bye-bye: A toilet. Yes, really.
• Stih-kah: Anything with adhesive properties.
• Beebee: A doll or infant.
• Ear: An orange muppet, cohabitant with Bert.
• Hap: I require assistance
• Hug: Please pick me up.
• Cheer: A place to sit
• This, That: You got me. I have no freaking idea what these mean.
• Pistachio: Oddly enough, pistachio. I don’t know how she got this on her first try. I was six before I could say it properly.

While I buy myself time to struggle through writing about the penultimate War of the Worlds II episode (Hey, you know what character we definitely need more of? Ethan Allen Ratkin), my daughter has undergone a sudden and exponential growth in her vocabulary. Here’s a partial dictionary of the words my daughter can now say:

• Awansy: Show me
• Baf: To bathe
• Side, Aside: Outside
• Quac: Canine.
• Fuff: The sound made by a Quac.
• Daisy: Grandma’s Quac.
• Caw: Any large herbivore, such as a cow or hippopotamus.
• Sue: An item of footwear
• My: More
• Mama: Food
• Mom: The sound made by a caw
• Eye: Any facial feature
• No: The eye in the center of the face
• Seep: Ovine
• Alma: A popular red muppet
• Bye: (Accompanied by a wave) Please for the love of God don’t leave me
• Uh-oh: I am about to throw something
• Rasha: Trash
• Aster: To climb a flight of steps
• Nigh-nigh: Farewell
• Fowl-foe: A flower
• Ha: Hot
• Coo: Cold
• Eat: Feed me.
• Baby: A baby
• Butt: Her posterior
• Wow: wow

Like daddy, like daughter.

 

This exact mug (The Diner Style, which is, frankly, the platonic ideal of coffee mug shapes) is currently sold out, but the same pattern is available from the Diesel Sweeties store.