Conversations with my son
Scene: A lazy Sunday afternoon. DYLAN heads for the basement door.
MOMMY
Where are you going?
DYLAN
I’m gettin’ my painting stuff so I can paint.
MOMMY
You can’t paint right now. Someone needs to be with you because it’s messy. You need supervision for that.
A Pause
DYLAN
But I can see pretty good already.
Scene: MOMMY is trying to jump-start her car. DYLAN has woken DADDY early for some company.
DYLAN: Why mommy’s car not working?
DADDY: Someone left the light on in her car all night so the battery died
DYLAN: You mean the dome light? (nb: DYLAN has previously gotten in trouble for leaving the dome light in DADDY’s car on)
DADDY: Yes.
DYLAN: Well I didn’t do it. Did you do it?
DADDY: No.
DYLAN: Then I think Mommy did it. Because she’s the only one left in our family.
Scene: DYLAN and MOMMY have just returned from church
DADDY: How was church?
DYLAN: Good.
DADDY: What did the priest talk about?
A pause. DYLAN struggles to remember.
DYLAN: (dismissively) Nothing you’d be interested in.
(later)
MOMMY: Oh. Dylan briefly lost his pants in church.
Scene: DADDY is watching a show. DYLAN wants to watch Dinosaur Train. DADDY has agreed to let him watch his show once DADDY’s show is finished
DYLAN: How much time does your show have?
DADDY pauses his show, causing a blue indicator bar showing the progress of his show
DADDY: Twenty minutes
Thirty seconds pass
DYLAN: Now how much time does your show have?
DADDY: A little less than twenty minutes
Thirty seconds pass
DYLAN: Daddy, now how long your show has?
DADDY: Ninteen minutes
Fifteen seconds pass
DYLAN: Now much longer your show is now?
DADDY: (irritated) Dylan, you’re nagging. If you ask me how long the show is one more time, you won’t be allowed to watch your show at all.
DYLAN: Even if I say please?
DADDY: Even if you say please.
DYLAN: Why?
DADDY: Because when you are a nag, people don’t want to do nice things for you.
One minute passes
DYLAN: Daddy?
DADDY: Yes?
DYLAN: (thinking) Can you… Show me… The blue line? The line that says how much of the show there is?
DADDY: … Touche, son.
A few days before Easter. Dylan is in the dining room on all fours, contemplating some early Easter candy.
Dylan: Woof woof! I’m a doggie! I please have some candy?
Daddy: Sorry. Chocolate isn’t good for doggies.
Dylan: (As though Daddy is very dim) I’m just pretending to be a doggie.
The Saturday Before Easter.
Dylan, at bedtime, after a long array of hugs, kisses, and goodnights from visiting family: “All this love is makin’ me sleepy.”
Easter Sunday. Mommy has hidden chocolate Easter eggs for an Easter Egg Hunt after Dinner.
An hour or so before dinner:
Dylan: (Holds up a chocolate egg) Look! I found this! Can I have it?
Mommy: It’s not time for the Easter egg hunt yet! I need to know which one that is so we can make sure we find them all later. Where did you find that one?
(Dylan holds up a flattened foil wrapper.)
Dylan: It was inside this.
Scene: A few days before Christmas. DYLAN is upstairs. MOMMY has retreated to the library to wrap presents. DADDY is in the family room.
DYLAN (oov)
Daddy? Where mommy is?
DADDY
I’m not sure, son. Are you ready to go up to bed?
DYLAN
Not yet, Daddy. I was just… I just went upstairs so you wouldn’t see me unwrap the lollypop.
Scene: DYLAN is in the kitchen, searching his Halloween Candy Bag. DADDY is in the family room.
DYLAN: I’m going to have a lollipop.
DADDY: Don’t open another lollipop. You already have two open lollipops.
DYLAN does not answer, but holds up an unwrapped lollipop
DADDY: Did you already unwrap the lollipop?
DYLAN: Yeah.
DADDY: Fine. But no more candy until after dinner.
DYLAN: Okay. No more candy.
DYLAN joins DADDY in the family room.
DYLAN: I knew you were going to come up and stop me so I unwrapped the lollipop.
DADDY: What?
DYLAN: (smug) You were going to come to the kitchen and say no so I took the wrapper off right away.
DADDY: Dylan! That was naughty.
DYLAN: Why?
DADDY: I do not even know how to answer that!
Scene: Dinnertime. DYLAN is eating Jambalya
DYLAN: Ow! My tongue hurt!
MOMMY: Oh! Is it spicy?
DYLAN: Yes. Well, actually no. The sausage is spicy, not my tongue.
Scene: int. Family Room, day. DYLAN and DADDY are playing. DYLAN finishes some candy he had asked for on the pretext that his toy alligator wanted some.
DYLAN: Oh no! I forgot to give some candy to my friend alligator!
DADDY: That’s okay. I know. Since he’s a toy alligator, maybe he’d like pretend candy. Maybe you could make him some candy in your kitchen.
DYLAN: (incredulous) You don’t make candy in a kitchen!
DADDY: Sure you do! Where do you think candy comes from?
DYLAN: (condescending) It comes from the Easter Bunny. On Easter, the Easter Bunny bring it to our house.
DADDY: (laughing) Okay. But where do you think the Easter Bunny gets it?
DYLAN: (as though DADDY is very dim) From his easter basket.
One thing Dylan’s latched onto recently is the idea that other things are like him in some ways and different in some ways. One of the most heartwarming moments I’ve shared with my son was a few weeks ago, when one of his friends was visiting: my little boy looked up from his playing and said, of his friend, “I’m just like her, but I’m a little different.”
A few weeks later, this scene ensued:
DYLAN and DADDY are on the sofa, talking about the movie Frozen
DYLAN: Is Elsa a bad guy?
DADDY: Well, not really. She just wanted everybody to go away and leave her alone.
DYLAN: Why?
DADDY: Because she was scared she might hurt somebody.
DYLAN: Why?
DADDY: You remember at the beginning? She was playing with her sister and she hurt her sister by accident.
DYLAN: Why?
DADDY: It was an accident. (sensing a teachable moment in the wake of several Dylan-throws-himself-on-Daddy’s-bad-shoulder incidents)Because she wasn’t careful.
DYLAN: Why she not be careful?
DADDY: I guess she didn’t know how. She was too scared so she didn’t learn how to use her snow power safely.
DYLAN: (thoughtful) I’m just like Elsa, but I’m not her.
DADDY: How are you like Elsa?
DYLAN: I’m like Elsa because I try to be good, but sometimes I’m not.
Scene: DADDY and DYLAN are in DYLAN’S ROOM getting ready for bed.
DYLAN: I go to school. I see my friends.
DADDY: That’s right.
DYLAN: (thoughtful) Friends make you sad.
DADDY: (confused) What? No. Friends make you happy. Did something bad happen at school?
A pause. DYLAN is thinking
DYLAN: Friends make you sad when they go away.