Blonde over blue; your hands are cold, your eyes are fire. -- Billy Joel, Blonde Over Blue
A Mind Occasionally Voyaging

Author: Ross

Some Blundering About Star Trek: Prodigy 1×01: Lost and Found

Well now. I dunno. I’m not sure if this show is for me, but unlike Lower Decks, I won’t say that it not being for me is reflective of a failing in the show. The kids loved it though; this appears to be the Trek that finally got the kids into Star Trek.

The first thing I’ll say about Prodigy is that it feels much more Star Wars than it does Star Trek. I’m not quite sure how to explain that in detail, but this seems to draw much more from the tradition of The Clone Wars and Rebels than Discovery or Lower Decks. Also, there’s the extent to which Dredlok is very obviously General Grevious.

We’ve got some decent character designs. Our “hero” is Dal, a purple teenage from an unknown species who is… Well he’s you’re generic rebellious mouthy teenager archetype that I don’t really need from my Star Trek, but that’s fine. Gwyn is the Evil Overlord’s Beautiful Daughter Who Is Loyal To Dad But Isn’t Sold On The Evil. I know neither of these are exact matches to Star Wars characters, but this feels so much more like a set of Star Wars archetypes than Trek. Things get cooler with Rok-Takh, an adorable giant rock girl with just lovely eyes. And then there’s Murf, the non-verbal amorphous “team pet” who’s… I mean he’s pretty much Gleep from The Herculoids but with a cooler color palate. The neatest design among the regulars is Zero, a Medusan who wears a homemade kit-bashed robot suit that sort of looks like the version of Broke-Down-Animitronic-Punk Mike Wazowski from a hypothetical Disney-Pixar’s Epic Woody. And… why does Pog look like Beebop from the ’89 Ninja Turtles cartoon?

I love the simple joy when Rok and Dal realize they can understand each other. Withholding translators for the first half of the story is done to great effect here. The one plot misstep to my mind is the introduction of Hologram Janeway. She just turns up in the last scene to introduce herself and nothing else. I get that they don’t want her stealing the show from the “proper” characters, and they didn’t want to push her back to the next episode. But I feel like there was a great place to insert her that would make her appearance feel coupled to events rather than bolted on. In the show as written, Murf activates the weapons console by randomly squishing on it, which probably is meant to hint that he’s more intelligent than it seems. But I’m not convinced the payoff is going to be worth the setup here. I think it would’ve been better for them to struggle to find the phaser controls, and then Hologram Janeway appears and just says, “Looks like you’re having some trouble. Would you like to view a tutorial on using the phasers to clear navigational hazards?” while things are too busy and tense for everyone to stop and ask what her deal is.

Now, Protostar itself… Meh. As I’ve said before, the streaming era’s Starship Porn has been a little lacking. Discovery is a weirdly-proportioned ship; La Sirena has a very deliberately “It’s a private cargo hauler, not a Cool Ship” thing going on, and Cerritos is almost deliberately ugly. Protostar is just a sort of generic-looking incarnation of the general Starfleet archetype, like what you’d doodle if you were given the prompt “Draw a Starfleet ship”.  The interior decor is the most Kelvin-Timeline we’ve seen in the prime universe… If this is the Prime universe; I guess we can’t actually be sure yet.

That gets us to the big question for me as the season unfolds. According to what’s been released from the showmakers, Prodigy is set in the Delta Quadrant in 2383. That’s a couple of years after Lower Decks and a couple of years before the Romulan supernova, five years after the end of Star Trek: Voyager. This is all hard to square, and if it’s right, I think we need to be expecting Temporal Shennanigans to ensue. Because Gwyn has been on this mining colony her entire life, and the implication is that the Protostar was buried here for at least that long, probably much longer. It’s hard to imagine that within five years of returning to the Alpha quadrant, they built Protostar, sent it all the way out to the Delta Quadrant, lost it, buried it, and The Diviner set up a mining colony to look for it.

Then there’s the fact that we see a bunch of different species here, and of the ones we’ve seen before, only the Kazon are Delta Quadrant natives. There’s a Tellarite, a Medusan, a Caitian and a Lurian – all Alpha Quadrant races. Now, Voyager did occasionally encounter displaced Alpha quadrant refugees on its way home, but Dal is able to make broad, vaguely racist generalizations about Tellarites, which implies to me that they’re a species that is well known in this part of space.

While this is far from certain, it feels like The Diviner has a personal history with the Protostar, some time in the distant past. One plausible explanation is that the Protostar reached the Delta Quadrant via time warp some time in the distant past, and The Diviner has been unnaturally prolonging his life in his quest to find it. Why? Unclear. Some of his dialogue implies that he’s just looking for A Federation Ship in general, but it feels more like it’s this ship in particular. You almost wonder if this is a revamp of the general outline if Star Trek Beyond, and The Diviner is part of Protostar’s original crew, somehow transformed and twisted by Space Weirdness.

But this still doesn’t explain the presence of so many Alpha Quadrant races, and their presence in a context that doesn’t acknowledge the extent to which they shouldn’t be there. The Diviner also speaks of the Federation as something whose existence must be kept hidden from the enslaved workers for fear it might foment rebellion. That doesn’t fit well with the Federation of 2383, whose presence in the Delta Quadrant is effectively nonexistent. My inclination at this point is to assume that Protostar was lost in 2383, but that the series proper is set a long time after that, closer to the time of Discovery far enough in the future that there’s been a significant diaspora of Alpha Quadrant races all over the galaxy, in a place and time where the Federation isn’t unheard of, but is more legendary than real. Obviously, my dream-come-true would be for this to be in the same part of the timeline as Calypso, but I recognize that’s a longshot.

I’ll definitely be back for more next week. It’s interesting to see a Star Trek that feels so utterly not-beholden to the feel of Star Trek, even if I’m not quite sold on why this even should be part of that shared universe and not its own thing.

The Non-Infringing Super Pals

Evelyn loves that Alexa can make up bedtime stories that insert her as a character. But she’s frustrated that Alexa’s repertoire is limited to stories not about her favorite TV-Y7 superhero team. So I agreed to cobble together something that her music player could use to make up and read her self-insert superhero stories. And because why not, I’ve put a version on my website, though this version has for understandable reasons been modified to use Original Characters Do Not Steal. Enjoy:

(Reload this article to get a new story)

Celebrate Italian-American Heritage

Normally this time of year, I remind everyone to celebrate the historical figure named Columbus who is credited with discovering something on account of being the first European man to notice, despite the fact that the locals had been well aware of it forever: Renaldus Columbus, “discoverer” of the clitoris.

But this year, I’m going to try something else…

Just, uh, one thing, sir. Now, you said that you discovered this whole continent. And I’ve been going around and around in my head. Now my wife, she says I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s these little inconsistencies, sir. They drive me crazy. Because you said that you discovered this continent in 1492, but now I’m hearing that there’s this group of indigenous peoples who came over on the land bridge, ten thousand years ago. Now what do you think about that, sir? How can you discover a continent in 1492 when there’s already been people there for ten thousand years? It just doesn’t add up, sir.

And speaking of not adding up. You said that you thought you were in India, because everyone else believed the world was flat. But sir, the circumference of the Earth was determined by Eratosthenes of Alexandria to be 25,000 miles. And okay, sure, he was off by a little bit, but sir, but for you to have thought you were in India, you would have had to believe the circumference of the Earth was only 16,000 miles. That’s got me scratching my head, sir. You’re an educated man, but you under-estimated the size of the Earth by a third, two thousand years after Eratosthenes? Now me, I get lost going across town to Joe’s Diner. You ever been to Joe’s? They make a bowl of chili, you’ve got to- but never mind. I’m just saying that I get lost. But I don’t get ten thousand miles lost. And you, sir, you’d been sailing since you were what, ten? And you expect me to believe you missed India by ten thousand miles and didn’t notice?

I don’t believe it sir. I think you were working a scam, sir. Because I called around to all the courts of Europe. And I found out they’d all heard from you and your crazy plan to “Go East by going West.” And they all told you to take a hike, because everyone in the Age of Exploration business knows that if the Earth is 25,000 miles around, the only way you could survive the western route to India would be if there was a continent in the middle where you could resupply. I believe you saw that there was a new king and queen in Spain, eager to make a name for themselves, so you went to them, and you told them the same cockamamie story you told all the other royal houses of Europe, and you cut a third off the size of the Earth to make it sound legitimate, and you planned to take the money and run. But you got caught, didn’t you, sir. You got caught with your three ships out in the middle of the Atlantic on a voyage you couldn’t possibly survive, except that you just happened to get lucky and find this continent, sir. And so to cover up the scam, you told everyone that you’d “discovered” it, and you launched a campaign of colonization and genocide lasting for centuries. Isn’t that correct, sir?

Happy Columbo’s Day.

Fiction: Dark Reverie

A small fragment this week because I’m feeling a little stuck writing it. It’s part of an idea that came into my head a while back, but fits in pretty late in the story. This started out in my head as normal prose, but it had some very obviously ludic elements so I leaned into that and found the idea sort of gently trending toward a place that’s somewhere between Psychonauts, Persona, Silent Hill and Disco Elysium, only slightly hornier. Anyway, we’ll see where it ends up.

Glass in hand, Ian took a step back from the bar. Some ways off, near the dance floor, he caught a glimpse of her. She hadn’t seen him yet. He wondered if she’d actually expected him to show up when she’d mentioned it. He steeled himself to make his way over and say hi. On his third step, he passed through the shadow of a wiry man in a leather shirt.

Ian swayed, almost knocked over by it. A wave of malice unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He stumbled away, looking for a place to sit. There was an open corner booth, secluded enough. He slipped into it. He tried not to stare, but took a quick glance at the wiry man. There was a sort of dark smudge around him now, almost like a thick black outline were traced around him. Ian gave a quick look around himself. The noise and crowd was its own kind of privacy. Not ideal, perhaps, but he felt a strong urgency that wouldn’t let this wait. He touched the mark on his wrist and traced out the sigil of communication with his finger on the tabletop.

“What are you doing? We’re not expecting a check-in until tomorrow.” Ugh. He was hoping he’d get Keith back. Were they keeping them apart for some reason? Donna always sounded so judgmental.

“I saw something,” he told her. “By accident. And it’s weird.”

“I’m bringing your location up now. We’re not tracking anything in your area. Are you some kind of magnet for this? We’re supposed to be the ones sending you out. I’ve never seen anyone have two random encounters in a week, let alone three. Use the tracking sigil on it and we’ll follow up tomorrow. No point in causing trouble now.”

“It’s weird, though,” Ian told her as he drew the lines and swirls of a tracking sigil. “It felt a lot stronger than anything I’ve felt before. And now I’m seeing things.”

“Seeing things?” Donna asked. That her tone had switched from annoyance to alarm was not lost on Ian. “Seeing what?”

“Not sure. A kind of black halo?” He glanced back at the man. Something about his body language rubbed Ian wrong.

“Stop. Don’t finish the sigil,” Donna said forcefully. “You should get out of there.”

“What?” Ian asked. She’d been just a hair too slow; he’d finished forming the sigil as she’d spoken. Everything went sideways for a second as he was overcome by a flood of nausea and anger. The man looked up suddenly and… Was he sniffing the air? He didn’t seem to notice Ian specifically, but something had alerted him.

“He’s about to do something. I need to-”

“You need to stop and leave, right now,” Donna said, forcefully. “This isn’t for you.”

Before Ian could respond, he was hit by another wave of malice. Without quite processing how, knowledge forced its way into his mind. The wiry man, or the thing inside him, was hunting. Looking for prey. It was going to do- Ian physically recoiled at the feelings leaking from the black halo. The dark thing was looking toward the dance floor. Looking toward-

“No time. He’s going to hurt someone. I have to…”

“You can’t,” Donna demanded, but Ian was already tracing the sigil. “Bullocks,” she grumbled. Her voice was fading. “Hold on-“

Been busy

So I still own my old house in Baltimore from back when I lived there, and we had a management company looking after the place, but they flaked out during the pandemic, and… Well now we know I guess.

I’ve had that shirt roughly the same amount of time I’ve had the house. They’ve held up about equally well.

Fiction: Winnie-the-Pooh and Geocaching (is) Through

The exciting conclusion, built around a punchline I did not, in fact, have planned from the start, but which only came to me while writing the previous part.

In Which a Party is Held, and the Geode is Finally Caught.

Rabbit had such a good time on his geocaching Expotition that he immediately told all of his friends and relations. And when one has as many friends and relations as Rabbit, well, suddenly geocaching had become less of a Expotition and more of a Popular Fad.

As you will recall, the button left by the Piglet had been collected by Eeyore in return for a ribbon, which had gone to Owl, who left a quill in its place. Meanwhile, the spring left by Tigger was traded by Rabbit for a gardening glove,

Lightning McQueen Temporary TattooThe next day, the feather was taken by Early, who left in its place one of the nicest bottle caps in his bottle cap collection. The bottle cap was taken later that day by Late, who thought it would make a good birthday present for his brother Early, as he collected bottle caps. Late left a temporary tattoo of Lightning McQueen.

The gardening glove went to Henry Rush, the beetle, who felt it would be a lovely summer home. In its place, he left a guitar pick. The guitar pick, in due course, was taken by Small, who left a highly detailed 1:87 scale model of the 1987 Progress Rail EMD-SD70ACe-T4 Locomotive Unit 7240 out of Houston.

Even Lottie the otter took a turn, as did Gopher, despite not being in the book, and Beaver, and Kessie the Bluebird, and Lumpy, and even Penguin. And then, once all the animals of the Hundred Acre Wood had taken a turn at finding the Geocache, Christopher Robin himself found it. He signed the book, and took the very pretty rock that had been left there by Winnie-the-Pooh, and in its place he left… Well, actually, I’m not going to tell you what he left, because as far as I know, it is there still, and if some day you happen to be geocaching in the Hundred Acre Wood, you just might be the one to find it yourself, and then wouldn’t it be a lovely surprise?

The good stuff: 10% juice, 20% sugar, 80% water, and so Extra that it adds up to 110% and no one cares.

Because he saw how much all of his friends had enjoyed learning about Geocaching, Christopher Robin decided to throw a party in honor of Evelyn (and Red Zoomer) to thank her for introducing them to this grand new game. There was honey, and haycorns, and thistles, and carrots – both raw and cooked, as someone had heard Evelyn preferred her carrots cooked – and extract of malt, and little cocktail toasts with butter and sugar sprinkles, and American pasteurized processed cheese food product, and plenty of Tropical Fantasy Fruit Punch.

Everyone had tremendous fun at the party. There was dancing, and games, and music, and everyone sang, “For She’s A Jolly Good Fellow” along with other public domain songs, and then they all settled in to talk about the various treasures they had each found in the geocache and how much fun it was to go on a special expotition.

Presently, Roo decided to demonstrate a new bounce he’d been working on, except that it didn’t quite go to plan, with Roo ending up on entirely the wrong side of the picnic table and everything which had been on top of it being sent into a sort of very general disarray. And among the things which were sent into disarray was the very pretty rock which Winnie-the-Pooh had left in the geocache, and which Christopher Robin had subsequently taken out of it. And the sort of disarray it was sent into involved bouncing off the ceiling and then hurtling toward the floor, only with Piglet somewhere in the middle, such that he would have received a very severe bonk on the head, had Evelyn not been there to catch it instead.

“Oh thank goodness,” Piglet said. “I should have had a very nasty bump. Thank you, Evelyn.”

But Evelyn looked at the very pretty rock in her hand and said, “Oh dear. The rock must have broken when it hit the ceiling.” And she showed everyone how there was now a crack running the entire length of the rock, and as she held it up, the whole thing fell apart into two pieces. “Christopher Robin, I’m sorry your rock got broken,” Evelyn said. But the others looked surprised.

To everyone’s wonder and amazement, the rock was hollow. Moreover, the inside of the rock was lined with tiny red crystals. Owl flapped his wings in surprise. “I say,” he declared, “I do believe that is a-”

A geode
I am reasonably sure this is an artificially produced geode, but never mind that.

“It’s a geode,” Christopher Robin declared. “They taught us about them in school. Do you know what this means?” Everyone sort of nodded understandingly as if they all understood exactly what it meant, but then started to shuffle nervously because they very much hoped no one was going to ask them to actually say what it meant.

But finally, Edward Bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, Pooh Bear (Pooh for short), Friend of Piglet (FoP), Rabbit’s Companion (RC), Eeyore’s Comforter and Tail-Finder (ECaTF),  Pole Discoverer (PD) and Geocache Finder (GF), spoke up. “It means,” he said, in a suitably impressed sort of voice, “That Evelyn has Caught the Geode. The Geode has been Caught. By Evelyn.”

“My friends,” Christopher Robin announced, “All our hard work Geode-Catching has finally payed off. Today, Evelyn has caught the geode!” And everyone gave three cheers for Evelyn, and if they hadn’t already been having a party, they would have thrown a party for her. And Christopher Robin told Evelyn that even though the Very Pretty Stone had been his geocache treasure, he would very much like for her to keep half of it, while he kept the other half, so that wherever they were, they could look at their half of the geode and remember this adventure.

And so she did.