This is the noise that keeps me awake; my head explodes and my body aches. -- Garbage, Push It

A Conversation at the Library

Me: Well here’s a serious question: If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
Leah: [laughs]
Me: Just one
Leah: Two things.
Me: [fake sulk]
Leah: I really wish you’d lose some weight. We both should. Because I worry about you, and I know you haven’t been watching what you eat so much.
Me: Yeah. I know.
(a pause, while I wait for her to ask the reciprocal question. She doesn’t)
Me: I ask, because I’ve been thinking
Leah: Oh?
Me: Yeah. And I guess, maybe there’s one thing I might change about you.
Leah: Um.
Me: Your last name. [produces a ring] Will you marry me?


She said yes, by the way.
Once she stopped laughing.

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